Ode to Andy Rooney
- Why do we have foods like "Go-Gurt"? Is it so hard to eat yogurt that we need to make it faster? Does squeezing it into your mouth from a tube save time? Have you ever been late to something because you were "eating yogurt"?
- When did we end up with 700 TV channels? How did that happen? And why, when I'm watching the news, do I have to see a streaming commentary about different news across the bottom of the screen? Aren't the 700 channels enough? Do we need to be seeing several things at one time on each channel?
- What happened to elevator operator jobs? There was a time when someone actually pushed the button for you on the elevator and that was a real, full-time job. I don't think they were exported to foreign countries. Somehow someone just figured out we could push the button ourselves and save the labor cost.
- Do you know the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut? About a week.
- Why do commercials for mascara, both on TV and in print, use models with false eyelashes? Isn't the mascara good enough for our real eyelashes? Anyone can have lush eyelashes if they are false.
- Why don't people use turn signals anymore? I think it is still the law and it helps when you are following someone to know what they are going to do. How hard is it to flip up the little lever?
- Who invented "call waiting?" It should be called "caller preference". When I'm talking to someone and they say "just a minute" to answer another call, it is a bit of an insult. Isn't that why we have voice-mail? The caller can just leave a message and you can call them back as soon as we hang up. I really hate call waiting.
- Attention dog owners! The purpose of the plastic bag that picks up your dog's pooh is to dispose of it in the trash. Leaving the baggy on the side of the road is ridiculous. Pooh is biodegradable and your plastic is not. Come-on people!