Sunday, November 6, 2011

Ode to Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney, the broadcaster with a wry look at life, has died at age 92.  He worked up to the end after delivering his 1,097th commentary on life.  Andy Rooney had a knack of picking a topic that no-one had thought about, comment on it and listeners would say "Oh yea, that is so true".  He touched a nerve in modern American society.  Here are my Andy Rooneyisms:
  • Why do we have foods like "Go-Gurt"?  Is it so hard to eat yogurt that we need to make it faster?  Does squeezing it into your mouth from a tube save time?  Have you ever been late to something because you were "eating yogurt"?
  •  When did we end up with 700 TV channels?  How did that happen? And why, when I'm watching the news, do I have to see a streaming commentary about different news across the bottom of the screen?  Aren't the 700 channels enough?  Do we need to be seeing several things at one time on each channel?
  •  What happened to elevator operator jobs?  There was a time when someone actually pushed the button for you on the elevator and that was a real, full-time job.  I don't think they were exported to foreign countries.  Somehow someone just figured out we could push the button ourselves and save the labor cost.
  •  Do you know the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?  About a week.
  • Why do commercials for mascara, both on TV and in print, use models with false eyelashes?  Isn't the mascara good enough for our real eyelashes?  Anyone can have lush eyelashes if they are false.
  • Why don't people use turn signals anymore?  I think it is still the law and it helps when you are following someone to know what they are going to do.  How hard is it to flip up the little lever?
  • Who invented "call waiting?"  It should be called "caller preference".  When I'm talking to someone and they say "just a minute" to answer another call, it is a bit of an insult. Isn't that why we have voice-mail?  The caller can just leave a message and you can call them back as soon as we hang up.  I really hate call waiting.
  •  Attention dog owners!  The purpose of the plastic bag that picks up your dog's pooh is to dispose of it in the trash.  Leaving the baggy on the side of the road is ridiculous.  Pooh is biodegradable and your plastic is not.  Come-on people!
Andy Rooney was one of a kind.  He loved what he did and it showed.  That is a legacy we can all emulate.


Patti said...

I love your Rooneyisms and agree with them all. You are the next Andy Rooney!

Chef Scotty said...

I'm pretty sure that Jerry Seinfeld is Art Rooneys' comic offspring.

Liz said...

i love your list too, toni

Dr Paula said...

Great Rooney post Toni. I will miss his commentary.

Michael Kirsch, M.D. said...

Beyond his wry humor, he was brave. He flew as a journalist after D-day invastion at substantial personal risk. I'm sure for many viewers, Andy was the favorite segment. Nice post.

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